oh! so you have a dream

Having a dream counts for nothing!
Work on it
That's the stuff that legends are made of
The sweat
The blood
The tears
Some take years of work
For others, its a moment of brilliance
A little light bulb
That ends up illuminating the world
Dreams count for nothing
Any lazy bum can dream
What do you think a sloth does: DREAM!
What does a convicted man do, dream too.
Just like you
Everyone has a dream
Even chicken try to fly
Few get to their Zenith
Why
No one wants to put in that extra shift
Change your mentality
Work at your attitude
Believe in yourself
Achieve your dream
Otherwise,
Keep talking about
Keep sleeping
Keep dreaming. 

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onions planted with kales

Lacklustre!
I planted my onions in my garden with kales
I wanted them both for food
I squeezed them in my little garden plot
With no space for expansion or growth
Now the onions chocked the kale with acidity,
And the kales deprived the onions off their nutrient requirements
I planted my onions in my garden of kales for I wanted them to grow
Yet now, I have nothing to show 
Little is left to regrow
I could borrow, or I could start from scratch
Then sow my favorite, cabbages!

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one last time

For one last time I'll listen to your voice
Listen as you spew your lies
Listen as you make me hurt
For one last time I'll pay attention
As you shred my confidence and sink my belief
I will lend ear to your form of love
And borrow heavily from your dictionary in description of me
For one last time I will pick up after myself
Clean my bleeding cuts and tend after my swollen limbs
I will cover my shame in bright flowing dresses and huge flashy stunnas
For one last time I will buy the silence of my children with shillings
Bribe them with phones and the newest consoles
For one last time I will cow my neighbors with pride
Literally scare them into silence with my wealth
I will make them wish they were me
Weeping in a beamer than smiling as I walk to work
I will make them embarrassed to have their happiness and turn their smiles into misery and discontent
For one last time I will threaten to walk out
Then go to my knees when my bluff is called
For one last time; I will plan for one more last time
One last time I will laugh off those stupid plans

***********

For one last time, I will fret
One last time I will simmer then boil over
For one last time I will raise my voice, my temper or my arm
For one last time hit at the bed
Then one last time the head board and finally I will shove you in anger away
For one last time I will pain
Take all that hurt and dump it to your frame
Pummeling it and strangling it in vain
For one last time I will punch you and kick you
I will get you to speak, to say to me what it is you seek
For one last time I will tremble
Thinking of the fact that I am,in fact, the failure
Sensing that I am the lesser human
That I am NOT even a man
Resorting to violence
Unable to understand
Unable to read emotion
No manly man
For one last time I will accept rejection
Face my insecurities
Wrestle my demons
For one last time I will walk out and get my act together
Treat my woman like the queen she is.

PS:Weak men hit women. "a 2008 report by the Federation of Women Lawyers of Kenya, or FIDA, says almost 75 percent of women they surveyed reported being abused."

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my voice still speaks clear beyond this steel : listen

I would like to shout out like my friends and say
"I am a victim of circumstances!"
Yet I know I am not
I am a victim instead of my choices
A slave to guilt
A prisoner of fear, anger and shame
I am a convict
A tenant to the state for life.
Each passing day,
A testament to the wasted time
A reminder of the rotting talent
Of authors that write their stories in sand
Everyday a new novel
Of singers and songwriters who compose their songs in the showers belting out the tunes and holding the notes
You can hear the passion as their tracheae vibrate
The teachers teach, patiently
Preachers preach solemnly
I sit at one corner every awake passing hour
Piecing together information
Gathering knowledge for when I leave here
For I will leave
I will be a recipient og president's pardon for I have learnt my mistakes and I have paid my price
But I remain indebted to society
A debt I can't begin tu imagine I will settle in the confines of chains
If you ever listen,
Hear me my son's
Live right and be content with what you toil for with your hands
The blood you shed in your youth,
Stains your palms in old age
Your conversations will always be with the dead
Victims of your insatiable greed
Take it upon you,
To amend your lives before I return
I hear what you do in the neighborhood,  I am not impressed
I never taught you better then but I am teaching you better now
Heed my advice
Sow it in the sun, harvest it in the rain
Enjoy the fruits of your labor under a shade
I will return, and when I do
If you would not have listened to my plea
Or learned from my mistakes
I will make you wish you were held behind this iron bars.

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a village Christmas

Arrow roots
Sweet potatoes boiled
Black tea, dark rich aromatic and brewed
Folk carols singing in the background
Giving the room an even more calming ambience
Children chasing each other across rooms and houses
Mother giving instructions
Father leafing through the daily
Babies screaming for attention
And grandma singing her morning devotion
I had my village Christmas in the city
But I still miss the mooing cattle
Bleeting lambs
Chirping birds and the deep smell of fresh dung
They are irreplaceable

Merry Christmas reader no matter your norms and traditions make it a memory.

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looking for mr. perfect

She always wanted it right
Her hair,
Her dolls,
Her room,
Her life
Just right
Girls are made from sugar, spice and everything nice
All her ingredients were in quantity twice
In quality thrice
And no one knows exactly
The time taken to create her kind
She was particular
She was stellar
She was unique
It was seen by how she held her umbilical cord to her teeth

At seven,
She arranged her dolls facing left on the window sills
They should catch sunlight evenly if they want to stay beautiful
She argued.
At eleven she made modifications to her christmas present
Mother gladly remade it to her specifications
At thirteen, she convinced a city to change a law that allowed parents to deny teens TV time 
She never watched tv herself.

At seventeen, she was head of almost everything that needed leading.
Now at 27, she is hell bent at finding her Knight.   

She spends time in the night observing looking at her subjects
Poring through their lives and picking through their weakness
She is bold and walks up to each man she thinks fits the bill
Do you like dogs?
Her only rehearsed and overused pick up line.
Anyone that doesn't answer, fails
Anyone that doesn't know, fails
Anyone that hesitated, yet answers is a liar who fails
She doesn't tire, she doesn't search in one specific spot.
She knows what she wants she will search for it until she gets it.
She gets what she wants, always.

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tell me how to stay calm

The devil in the details

Like the thought of knowing it is Grandpa

Not the neighbors not a trusted friend but Grandpa

It is the knowing, she said

It is the seeing and having to live with it

It would have been easier numb!

She cried,

Clutched at the hems of her dress

Bit her teeth

Let them flow

Tears, hot

No need to touch to know

Calm down, he urged

How? She asked.

Just tell me how to go to grand ma and not hate her,

For watching

For turning her back

And pretending that you were insane

Insane people wouldn’t know where to touch

Grope

And tear

Insane people wouldn’t know to switch off the lights

To tread with care

It would hurt

I know it would,

But it would hurt a little less

If I didn’t have to remember every feel of the hands over my skin

If it wasn’t so familiar to the arms,

The arms I ran into when thunder struck

The arms that shielded me from the big bad ram

The arms that were to protect me from harm

Those arms grabbed me firm,

Those arms pulled at my perm

Those callous coarse arms

That I washed off the earth and cleaned from digging arrow roots

 Held me back and shut my mouth

Shut in fact my sanity

For nothing would have made me scream,

Nothing would have made me cry

I was stunned

I was frozen

I was scared,

Tell me how I am to stay calm

How!?

How!?

How!?

Give me answers she prodded,

I am sorry, he said.

I know you are its all you ever are!

I want to stay calm. Tell me how to do it.

I am sorry,

I failed you; he added moving a step closer

Her hand moved from hem

She stood firm

Fixed her eyes on his

She cried reminiscing the days he looked at those eyes

And the how she once loved to see them each morning

She was at war within

He was at war too

Another step

She cocked the shotgun looked even sterner

I will do it her stance said

I don’t want to do it, don’t make me her eyes said

He inched even closer

Barrel on his chest pressing at his aged sternum

I am sorry, I really am

STOP SAYING THAT! She barked

Tears and mucus spattered everywhere

She looked away from his tearing eyes

In that fraction he pulled the trigger

Bursting his chest open

He went as silent as he’d come into her room

No!

She hit at his lifeless frame

You can’t

You don’t get to do that

You still owe me answers!

She opened her mouth to taste the steel

She never knew what it tasted like

There wasn’t enough time for the thought to be registered.

To all the children going through darkness your sunshine will come, it will be okay I pray.

rants and raves of the yesters

Is there medicine to clear conscience
Is their reprieve for gone reprieves
What happens to lost causes
and those squandered second chances
all I had to do was stay silent
work my way through the day but darn well stay silent
Even that I didn't do well
What is harder
Loosing the fragrance of the flowers
Or having to watch them wilt away too
I lost the fragrance of the flowers
and now the vase is broken too.
Its like giving up you laces
and staying with your shoe
Uurgh!! I was better of bare foot

you are beautiful

You are beautiful no matter what they say, their words shouldn't bring you down.
-Christina Aguilera


It is not a cake its your face
Its a segment of your essence and it baffles me
your insistence
on making it an experimental place
all manner of powders all sorts of creams
you are beautiful even when you don't put on your artificial mask.

It is a process
It is a task
It is an effort to put up that act
A silent emotional pact
Made from the mind sworn at the heart
That all that you do will be false from the start
you are beautiful despite the insecure inner crust

what if I was a cat

I wished I was a cat
Oh! wait..
I wished!
It got to a point that bad I actually wished
I wanted to be something anything
Rather than that which I was
Or was becoming
That who I was
Or was becoming
I needed an escape
A route out
Yet non forthcoming
I wished I was a cat then I could blame it on my other lives
I do not know
I did not know
But I wanted to
I want to know

I wished I was a cat
For it would explain
It will explain the sudden change..
The anger
The pain
The shame
The despair
The disdain
The games
Aaaarrghh
I want to be a cat
With playthings
and a dedicated playtime
With milk
and endless period of time to decide
I wished I was a cat
I am wishing I am a cat
It must be really bad.

I am human
I am a being that walks on twos
and have to fend for my food
I just want those nine lives so bad
So that my mistakes can be erased even forgotten
I am human capable of making stupid decisions consecutively
and though I lack the nine lives for trial and error
I know that no one is so perfect as to live without mistakes
No one is so saintly as to be deficient of blemish
What I lack in nine lives I compensate in repentance
I am growing into adulthood
I will have to rid me off this childishness
I can never be a cat
But I can make my decisions better
and I could do with the silence of a cat too
no more what if I was a cat?

 

to my unborn son

I am writing this to you early enough
Before you see this sun
Before your feet are planted firmly on this African soil
I am writing this to you in your naivety
Before your enlightenment and entitlement; before your pride
I want you to know there is no substitute for hard work
No shortcut to success no quick buck
Do not believe in luck
Just work
My son,
Be smart and make better choices than your old man
Lies get you out of a tricky situation yet the truth avoids the situation altogether
Stand up for what you believe in
But believe in things that you can achieve and achieve most of what you believe
Your ideas and beliefs need not be sane just right
Believe in God, a supreme being; respect and trust His guidance
Ask for His help
Thank him
Anger is a weakness shun it
Humility is a gift embrace it
Learn to say sorry when you are wrong
Thank you when satisfied
Help me when you are lost
And nothing when you are right
Love yourself
Love your country
Love your woman
Definitely NOT in that order
Your woman comes first
Treat her as you would yourself
Talk to her kindly
Hold her passionately
And keep her happy constantly
If you don't someone else will
You will argue you will fight
NEVER hit your woman
They hate it, she will hate you
Don't just tell her you love her, show her
She will only stay for as long as she is interested so be interesting
If she still goes; learn live and love again.
Do not covet
Instead in contentment work for what you need
Learn to plan and prioritize
Drawing a line on needs and wants
It's what made your grandfather so great
Don't just spend to satisfy your urges
Make it a habit to save
And have something to give to someone else
In the end make your journey a story, how it will be read depends solely on you
This were just pointers from my path. The potholes that marred my past. Be great my son but remember being great is more than being rich. Much more

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10,000 trials with faith

I have not failed. I've just found
10,000 ways that won't work.
-Thomas A. Edison

Ten thousand times I tried and failed
Ten thousand ways I learned to perfect
Then the first from ten thousand
I made my break and everyone said

"oh! how great it is to have your luck, to try and make it on your first buck"

Yet no one noticed the ten thousand flops
For all they could see was the one shiny bulb
Not the thousands of blown up and charred filaments
Not the drawings and concepts that filled the work table
Just the lighting and the bulb that emitted its large warm glow
Ten thousand trials with faith
A single reward of success
Believing till the end
Till the final whistle is blown
Till success is changed from thoughts on a paper to tangible physical matter.

Inspired by Thomas Edison who did 10,000 experiments before, eventually, inventing a working light bulb.   

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faith

It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believe in myself.

-Muhammad Ali

I stood across the cliff
I watched the birds leap
And the animals make their way
I held on to the ropes
But,
I lacked the faith to take the step
The one step towards my goal
Towards my dream

I stood upon the board
The springy diving board
I watched my peers dive and scream and laugh and splash!
But
I held on to my fears afraid to take the plunge
I took a step back
Then two and I was off my board.

I sat long alone in the room
For I chose to ignore the voices that filled my ambience
The chatter that rented my space
I hid in a corner
Intimidated by eye contact
Unaware of willing listeners
I was inferior
I was insufficient
I was afraid

Then I learnt
I shot me down
It was my faith that starved but my fear that I fed
I was capable
I was ideal
I was brave.
Faith conquered fear
Now I cross my bridge.
Dive the depths
And engage conversation

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my Kenya unplugged

The light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off

There is no inspiration
no brilliance
no sparkles or eureka moments

its just a sullen desperation
an oozing of negation

its a pitiful sight
watching them in the shadows of light
eking in darkness
fearing for their own plight

its a tad disgusting
sometimes bemusing
as we await for their mouth to part
and their ever depressing monologue starts

a lie
a hypocrisy coated of democracy
dressed in a black suit scarlet shirt
and of course, with white polka dots, a black tie
feeding the hungry masses with the nonsense from a rank high

a cordial smile
followed by an incoherent speech that runs a mile
punctuated by senseless quotes
serving to punch in awe and importance to a resolved clique
where democracy is a miss

then comes force
like revenge, its served COLD!!
to the young alike to the old
from trucks, on foot
and on horse backs
its hell in reality
ignited by the mere spark of the fool
the common people's fool!
Now trailed by their own trained 'army'
his words hang on to like some important developmental tool

the same fool
that was described by many as buffoon
now herald and worshiped like some god of the moon

fathers standing armed to protect their homes, their kids and kid mothers
mothers rushing to cover the kids
kids cowering behind
fearing for their safety
'soldiers'
'soldiers'
'soldiers'
creating new frontiers

a critical family change
fathers now stand down and are marched around their homes
mothers are slaves and factories for producing more 'soldier' kids
kids are forced into war with themselves and their parents

all in pursuit of power
the crave for a money shower
a loss of principles
a succession of similar principals
submissive governance
oppressive rule
dressed in a black suit, scarlet shirt and of course, with white polka dots, a black tie

another lie
this time with titles, ranks and degrees attached

why should we wait to jump out of the pan
yet now we fry
shall we wait to roast
and have our children lament
watching them propose a new toast?

The light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off

what shall we do?

...
photo credit

stains

Pony tails
Innocent
Buckled waist
Very chaste
Thoughts I'd want to erase
Of a beautiful mind corrupted with kin
A red stain on white sheets
A nightmare that will never cease
Of an innocence robbed with ease
Of a demon lurking within
Of a saint

a saint that never exists
When did it fit for a man to desire the fruit of his loins
Flesh of his flesh

I want to taste the world
To numb the pain of my past
I want to partake of passion: unbridled and fast
To crash my body beyond for my temple they already stole
On white heavy cotton sheets
When he held me by my pleats
And i smiled up at him and he smiled

Mum was away for the night
And he had plans for me
I was naive
But you should see me now
I have become the woman you made of me
You stole my temple from me
On those pretty white heavy cotton sheets
And i hope you could explain the stain

I wish you could feel my pain
When I am held up abused and tied to chains
It feels nice
But the joy melts like ice
And the dreams rule my nights

I forgave you father,
I washed of the stain from my heart
Soak your sheets,
Buy new sheets
But teach me how to look at you as a daughter would
for now I’m just a twelve year old woman in your eyes.