what if I was a cat

I wished I was a cat
Oh! wait..
I wished!
It got to a point that bad I actually wished
I wanted to be something anything
Rather than that which I was
Or was becoming
That who I was
Or was becoming
I needed an escape
A route out
Yet non forthcoming
I wished I was a cat then I could blame it on my other lives
I do not know
I did not know
But I wanted to
I want to know

I wished I was a cat
For it would explain
It will explain the sudden change..
The anger
The pain
The shame
The despair
The disdain
The games
Aaaarrghh
I want to be a cat
With playthings
and a dedicated playtime
With milk
and endless period of time to decide
I wished I was a cat
I am wishing I am a cat
It must be really bad.

I am human
I am a being that walks on twos
and have to fend for my food
I just want those nine lives so bad
So that my mistakes can be erased even forgotten
I am human capable of making stupid decisions consecutively
and though I lack the nine lives for trial and error
I know that no one is so perfect as to live without mistakes
No one is so saintly as to be deficient of blemish
What I lack in nine lives I compensate in repentance
I am growing into adulthood
I will have to rid me off this childishness
I can never be a cat
But I can make my decisions better
and I could do with the silence of a cat too
no more what if I was a cat?